Well, that’s my time with you, ladies. And speaking of fireworks, let’s have a little celebration of our own, shall we? We spoil you at Fort Cabo, Fort Laguna Beach, and Fort Madison Avenue! Gators, community collect toys for Soldiers. Recruiters safe after shots fired at North Carolina station. “Your main duty as a woman in the New Army will be to just HAVE FUN and do whatever thought passes through that silly little brain of yours.”, For our first time being girlfriends, we should have some fun! Seriously, no disrespect, but come on, this isnt the nick we've come to know and look forward to reading. Each townhouse will come fully-loaded with a 52’’ plasma screen television, every season of Sex and the City and a walk-in closet big enough for 60 outfits and 23 pairs of shoes! Press option 7 to leave a message. Remember, the New Army isn’t a place for just lesbians, retards, and/or ugly women anymore. The Army has missed its recruiting goal for the first time in more than a decade. 10:00: Jackson Browne smiling and petting the head of a sleeping blonde baby.11:00: A cantaloupe with fat-free cottage cheese in the center.12:00: Gina Davis with green shit and cucumbers on her face.1:00: A collage of Pretty Woman screenshots.2:00: Three white kittens playing with a ball of yarn.3:00: A bagel with a tub of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.4:00: Oprah giving a hug to Tyra Banks.5:00: An angled screenshot of a woman receiving a full-body massage.6:00: A shopping mall.7:00: A different shopping mall.8:00: A different shopping mall.9:00: An outlet mall.10:00 Four girls huddled on a couch with pillows and tissues, watching Jerry McGuire.11:00: A Pink Cosmopolitan and a line of cocaine.12:00: A McDonald’s salad. You look stunning! If you don’t have a Stress Card, they are located on the fireplace mantel, next to the scented candles. I bet we have lots in common, so let’s be girlfriends, mkay? Notify me of follow-up comments via email. James Coyle, President of the Gateway Regional Chamber of Commerce, led a networking seminar here for company commanders of the Mid-Atlantic Army Recruiting Battalion on Nov. 6. LAKEHURST, N.J. — FORT KNOX, Ky. — She introduced herself to the manager. Your BFF…….SERGEANT RENEE HAWKFIRE…….should have already handed out your free New Army drinking mugs, New Army panties, and shot glasses inscribed with “Drink 'til he's cute.”. Oh! Hi! Dec. 17, 2020 - U.S. Army Recruiting Command leaders selected the brigade’s Syracuse Recruiting Battalion to be the pilot location for the new Accessions Information Environment. That’s why we have men in the Army, silly! United States Space Force Recruitment Video United States Space Force / Published May 06, 2020 Though, you know, I might not be the best to talk about finding a man in the New Army…so let's hear it first-hand from ex-military woman and superdiva, Jessica Lynch! It was shaping up as a routine November day for the recruiters at Paradise Valley Recruiting Station, when a loud and violent boom reverberated through the office. First, we don’t pamper you at regular camps anymore. Points in Case is a daily literary humor publication celebrating 20 years of enlightening and irreverent comedy from seasoned writers and fresh voices. A new Chinese People’s Liberation Army recruiting video emphasizes service and sacrifice while showing off their latest and greatest gear and weaponry. A new Army recruitment campaign seeks to target gamers and millennials stuck in 'boring jobs'. A North Carolina man rejected from joining the Army opened fire on a recruiting station in Greensboro, military officials say. A PIC reader has left feedback while on acid. Plus, we don’t have barracks anymore! It was a rough year, 2020. That’s a New Army Man! :). (Laughs) So for fun, there are complementary Pepperidge Farm cookies and bottles of Pinot Grigio near the door. The British Army has unveiled its latest recruitment campaign after struggling to get new recruits through the door last year. I know what you're thinking. This DVD will now be paused again, and your BFF……..SERGEANT RENEE HAWKFIRE…….will pour you another glass of wine and reveal our next special treat: a box of Lady Godiva Chocolates and a live performance of The OC by the cast of NBC’s Blossom! PHOENIX — We have townhouses! Mid-Atlantic Battalion teams with local chamber for networking, learning opportunities. "Chinese Power" - People's Liberation Army Recruitment Video 2017 from PLA official media. The American public says that the battlefield isn’t the place for you, and we’ll be darned if we’re going to let a pretty little hair on your head get a split end! Army training, recruiting marches on despite COVID-19 challenges By: Todd South October 14 Even in the midst of a global pandemic, the Army continued recruiting and training new soldiers. The video begins by highlighting personal hardships that come with military service. Callers will receive a response within two working days. People might not be able to give as much. funny, very funny... but you promised me sex... Wow, maybe now I can meet some cuties here in Iraq, instead of all the uglies over here. I’ll let you in on a little secret…here at the United States Executive Branch, we’re pretty desperate for new recruits, so we’ve improved every single aspect of the New Army! I bet you’ve dropped at least two dress sizes just sitting there! Phoenix recruiters provide rescue efforts after serious crash. The official website for the Army Recruiting Command (USAREC) COMMANDER'S HOTLINE For your issues, concerns or good ideas. A virtual STEM Career Exploration Event, featuring Army units across Virginia, successfully educated Richmond-area students and school administrators on careers in the U.S. Army. Your main duty as a woman in the New Army will be to just HAVE FUN and do whatever thought passes through that silly little brain of yours. FORT KNOX, Ky. — On the eve of the 121st Army versus Navy football showdown, the U.S. Army’s eSports team is battle ready for the Call of Duty Endowment Bowl, an online tournament featuring the popular video game of the same name. Army leaders say they signed up about 70,000 new troops for the fiscal year that ends Sept. 30, 2018. Army Recruiter's New Video 2/3/2019 PSVB Army Sergeant First Class (SFC) Sutton comes up with another music video to entice recruits to join. Also, upon your arrival, you should have received the New Army Stress Card: a fab device you can use in order to pause this video. You're probably wondering, “Is the New Army right for me?” Well, we’re all women here, I mean it…I have a vagina…I do. By Haley Britzky April 20, 2020 If you sign-on within the next thirty minutes, you’ll have your choice of the following items, all of which are way better than stinky, old college! And much like the big-game bragging that precedes the Army’s pigskin pastime with the Navy, the CODE Bowl has no shortage of trash talk. But, now that you’re back, let's talk about something a little more personal…feminine stuff…you know, stuff like The New United States Army. The New Army is for you! Andrei Priimak faced the window. So thanks! Or subscribe without commenting. That’s right! My sense of humor can be summarized with one joke: Q: Why does 6 hate 7? It's so great to see you! >>> The Lady's ShaveBy staff writer NG HatfieldJuly 2, 2006. NPR takes a look at the new video. The appearance of hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement by the United States Army Recruiting Command (USAREC) of this Web site or the information, products or services contained therein. Don’t believe me? FORT KNOX, Ky. — I bet you’ve also always dreamed of a candlelit dinner with Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford or John Wayne! For other than authorized activities such as military exchanges and Morale, Welfare and Recreation sites, the United States Army Recruiting Command (USAREC) does not exercise any editorial control over the information you may find at these locations. A: Because 7 8 out 9. It's so great to see you! I want to first thank each and every one of you personally for your interest in keeping America terrorist-free! I bet that special will be even more exciting than the fireworks! Such links are provided consistent with the stated purpose of this DoD Web site. FORT KNOX, Ky. — The day has finally come. But who needs that crap anyways?! U.S. Army Recruiting Command (USAREC) accepted 62,150 new soldiers into the active ranks, which was a slightly lower amount than it had intended, Maj. Gen. Kevin Vereen, commander of USAREC, said. A new way for getting the X's and O's to the new XOs has begun. The U.S. Army recently released a new advertising video targeting young people living in a society crippled by the novel coronavirus pandemic. Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst, N.J. — Since that time, the Army released four commercials in a campaign called, “Warriors Wanted.” I've heard nothing but great things about women meetings lots and lots of guys…especially unsupervised…in the latrines. I didn’t see you there! The U.S. Army Recruiting Command’s Recruiting and Retention College here sent its first Company Executive Officer Course graduates back to the recruiting field in November, with the next batch of XO students slated for early December. Watch the video below then come back and click Enjoy. Press option 7 to leave a message. Your BFF……..SERGEANT RENEE HAWKFIRE……..will now pause the DVD, so you can ask her questions, have a glass of wine, or change your tampon. Well how about you combine all of that charm, manliness, and sex appeal and roll it all into one guy? I hope the wine tastes yummy! CONDOLEEZA (at profile, burning the Constitution): (Looks at the camera) Oh. So, if you want to wear your red stilettos or K Swiss, we don’t care! Dan, one of my many intended demographics is the drug user. You say I’m a liar? It’s set to air July 4th, 2006 at 10PM. Yes! Heck, even with all of that, you might still be skeptical. U.S. Army Recruiting Command leaders selected the brigade’s Syracuse Recruiting Battalion to be the pilot location for the new Accessions Information Environment. New video shows events immediately following Ahmaud Arbery shooting Newly released footage from police body cameras showing the immediate aftermath of the Ahmaud Arbery shooting showed that officers were aware that the shooting of the unarmed Black jogger had been filmed by the suspects. Arriving Soldiers - Albany Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Baltimore Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Richmond Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Harrisburg Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Mid-Atlantic Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - New England Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - New York City Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Syracuse Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Atlanta Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Columbia Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Jacksonville Recruiting BN, Arriving Soldiers - Raleigh Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Chicago Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Cleveland Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Phoenix Recruiting Battalion, Arriving Soldiers - Los Angeles Recruiting BN, USAREC Training Circulars and Graphic Training Aids, 170D - Cyberspace Capability Developer Technician, Warrant Officer Career College (WOCC) Information, Recruiter - Western Region and Pacific Rim, Becoming an Army Physician Assistant (PA), AMEDD Enlisted Commissioning Program (AECP). With the New girl-friendly Army, you’ll be able to enjoy everything about life! And kisses! FORT KNOX, Ky. — (Condoleezza winks). Well, before you do anything drastic…please allow your BFF to hand out the document you’ll need to sign while we take a look at a regular day in the New Army…don’t forget those “I’m soooo stressed!” buttons! And honey, you’re gonna love it! Richmond Recruiting Battalion hosts first Virtual STEM Tour. Staff Sgt. It was the first week for collecting toys and Kristen Fry didn’t know what to expect when she walked into Dollar Tree. I even have a considerable collection of self-servicing devices: my Chocolate Thriller, my Jack Rabbit, my Blue Dolphin, my Nubby G, two King Kongs, and a strand of anal beads.What can I say, I’m like you, I love the dick. When you self-plagiarize, readers get confused about old content you had already published as new. The only thing we care about is that you sign one, teensy, little document…. The Second City Jan 6, Coaching & Feedback on Your Writing We want your feedback. FORT KNOX, Ky. — A new way for getting the X's and O's to the new XOs has begun. Honestly. And there are at least 200 of them for every one of you, ladies! Don’t like roommates? ‘Virtually’ Everywhere: USAREC participating in online career fairs nationwide. Plus, I got this FABULOUS deal from Lifetime for a movie based on my fun adventures. FORT KNOX, Ky. — The New Army Recruiting Video by NG Hatfield | May 31, 2008 >>> The Lady's Shave By staff writer NG Hatfield July 2, 2006 CONDOLEEZA RICE: Hey girl! Army leadership announced it missed its recruiting goal by 6,500 new soldiers. A 3-pack of Venus Razors!A signed photo of hunky 90’s baseball star Bo Jackson!Jewel’s “Hands” concert on DVD!Two bottles of all-purpose bleach!A big, black dildo! I'm glad to see you've decided to stay! Due to The Military Truth in Information Act of 2005, we are required to inform you that due to recent federal overspending, we can no longer offer financial compensation for college. No way! Despite the fact that I have been walking with a cane for the last three years, have been ravaged by countless foreign men, and have gotten the country-wide nickname “Cameltoe Lynch,” I loved my experiences in the New Army. Yes, we know that camouflage is in style right now, but what happens when fall comes around and you’re stuck wearing something passé? Obviously, we take anybody…but the really retarded, hideously ugly, unbelievably stupid bitches, like…Lynndie England, are sent off to die in Iraq. My favorite part about coffee is not hearing where the beans came from. You’ll not only receive boxes upon boxes of maxis and waterproof mascara when you join the New Army, you’ll be expected to do absolutely nothing! After all, that’s what we girls like to do! James Cooper faces felony charges after being accused of firing a handgun into a recruiting station. We cannot hallow—this ground, except of course by playing a consciousness-altering stream of Christmas songs in November and December without pause. It's the new U.S. Army recruiting video, or is it a trailer for a new Hollywood sci-fi movie? Like the old saying goes: Payless wasn’t built in a day, so we hope that you’ll decide to stick around for the whole presentation! RICHMOND, Va. — T he Army's controversial snowflake recruitment campaign was the most successful in a decade as its new appeal urges youngsters to swap social media for the forces. Inseparable since birth, Cade Wied and his identical brother, Cameron, both took their oath of enlistment and joined the Army as information technology specialists. The Army has released four new recruiting commercials in as many months, with high energy dramatizations of what service looks like. Though of course, a vague interest just isn’t enough to protect the freedoms of our great, God-fearing nation—freedoms, like day spas, abor-*CENSORED*, and the right to wear lipstick. This can lead to a range of consequences. Plus (yes, there’s more! The Army’s new recruiting commercial is all about stepping up during the COVID-19 crisis "When the unbelievable happens, the unbelievable rise to meet it." Thanks Jess! Because that's what we women do! Points in Case Mon-Fri, Comedy Business School Things are Indeed busy on the virtual recruiting front. Most of the girls I talk to have questions like, “Will I have any fun?” or “Will my mascara run during a firefight?” or “How will I stay fresh while shrapnel flies over the carrion around me?” These are all easily answered by the New female-friendly Army! The U.S. Army Recruiting Command’s Recruiting and Retention College here sent its first Company Executive Officer Course You must’ve lost weight! Introduction to Comedy Writing Well, we understand that women living together can be quite strenuous…that’s why we’ve hired Dr. Phil as the official U.S. Army Roomie Relationship Counselor! Phone: (800) 223-3735, USAREC SHARP 24/7 HOTLINE Sexual Harassment/Assault Response & Prevention Program SHARP Phone: (502) 626-5284. Scott Dikkers On-Demand. Feel free to press your “I’m sooo stressed!” button at anytime; especially if you're feeling confused, vulnerable, or just plain sad. New company XO course graduates first students. by highlighting personal hardships that come with military service. Of course, we understand that these relationships are very important to you…that’s why we’ve teamed up with eHarmony.com to match you with the 200 most compatible guys! Okay...Nick, I think it's time that you had an intervention about these stories. A gunman fired shots into a recruiting station in Greensboro, North Carolina, the evening of Dec. 14, causing damage to the facility entrance but no injuries to any military personnel. Callers will receive a response within two working days. These last ten months of social distancing, mask-wearing, and air-hugging have to have been especially tough on extroverts. Yeah, they're funny, but your ACTUAL ARTICLES were waaaay funnier. Yeah, I can see those smiles! COMMANDER'S HOTLINE For your issues, concerns or good ideas. See, I’ve got this secret…and I didn’t tell it to Dateline or Larry King, but…I actually have this rape fantasy…and…well, let’s just say I don’t have to worry about that anymore! All you have to do is press your “I’m soooo stressed!” button and the DVD will be stopped. Exactly. The Second City Dec 27, Writing Satire for the Internet See below. Or is it both? Hey girl! ), each townhouse will be within walking distance of a Starbucks! 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